dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
