I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
