im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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