another moral hangover. fuck.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize