it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
