bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
did i just pee glitter
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
