Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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