Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
