ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
