a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
