I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
