you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
