he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
