He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
