I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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