OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
