Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
