Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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