is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
