My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
