You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
