he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
