It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
