I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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