So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
