the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
