you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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