glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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