i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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