I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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