I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
