i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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