how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
