He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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