can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
