I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
