We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
