I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
