sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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