he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
