I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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