Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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