my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just had sex on a roof
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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