Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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