so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
