I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
