This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize