you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
