So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
