he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Two words: nipple clamps
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