hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
