You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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