i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
