Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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