I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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