I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
