I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm like, not good at living.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
