Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
