Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
