she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
