Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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