If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
