...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
