i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
