Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
