Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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