from now on my penis is your penis
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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