Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
